Best Laid Plans
by MissGoodPage
Summary: "If you want to march into battle with twelve pregnant dwarves, then be my guest." A plan to save the line of Durin goes horribly wrong. ThorinxEveryone, FilixKili, Mpreg&Slash galore
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Tolkien's work and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Summary:** A contemporary wizard decides that the line of Durin has to be saved and sends a girl and a spell back to Middle-Earth. But even the best laid plans can go horribly wrong.

**Pairings:** ThorinxEvery dwarf and Bilbo, FilixKili.

**Note:** First off, prepare for a story _dominated by pregnant dwarves suffering from their hormones._ I have never been a fan of Mpreg stories but I don't know why this story wanted to come out. Also, I'm usually quite opposed to oc's, especially in big roles, and especially with the amount of oc random femalesxdwarf stories around here. So this is not set up to be such a story. And with that all said I can hear you wonder "why on earth write such a tale" Well, Because I know you all want to be out there and save our favourite hunks of dwarf. And this story is about such a chance. I hope you will enjoy the story and the oc will function as a version of you walking around Middle-Earth. I know I'm trying something tricky here.

**Warnings****:** Adult content/ MPregnancy galore / Starts out Movie-verse, ends up being AU! / Dominating and stubborn Thorin / MalexMale / incest / slash/ lemon/OC insertion / I fear there'll be humour as well / Don't let the prologue frighten you by the amount of OC's and the plans made, the real fun is yet to start muahaha.

_Prologue is set in future times, all chapters will be in Middle-Earth_

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_Best Laid Plans_

**:Prologue:**

The lights switched on while the professor took off his glasses and gestured at the now frozen screen behind him, which had previously been showing a PowerPoint presentation and now only displayed a slide with the words 'the end' on it.

"And so you see, my fellow Lord of the Rings Fans. Tolkien's story has not just been a story. And we firmly believe that, had the Oakenshields survived till this day, we would have lived in a much better place and elves would not have left Middle-Earth."

One of the girls in the college seats raised her hand. Her red hair tangled over her left shoulder and bounced a little as she spoke. "But then why isn't there any scientific material made available for the public?" She said, her voice betraying worry.

The professor polished his glasses before putting them back on the bridge of his nose. "It's a good question. As we all know there are only few of us who believe these events have happened for real. Those few are either ridiculously obsessed fans of Tolkien's work or they are the ones who have seen the traces of the history of Middle-Earth. But because most of the evidence has been wiped away from the planet's surface, it is very hard for anyone to prove and claim that the events have taken place. All of this changed only recently, like I just explained during my presentation, with the find of a Doomsday book. And not just any book. It is a book believed to have been written in the future and it laments the past. The book was carbon dated 6050 AD, which is impossible. Yet it cannot be denied." The professor rubbed a finger past his glasses again. "The authorities have locked the book away and deny its existence. Yet some of us have seen the book and have made photos of it. Just browse Doctor Ander's Tumblr account and you'll see some of the photos. Though authorities claim it to be a hoax I think we should pay attention instead of denying this new information."

Another attendee of the college stuck out a hand now and spoke before even being given the turn. "But as you said the book is an impossible find. For one it is said to be written in future times." The boy swallowed. "And furthermore the book describes events that have yet to take place. It's only logical authorities would keep this from the public. They don't want to upset us. They don't want us to know that the human race will cease to exist and that the writer lamented the fact there were no dwarves around to save us."

"To save us?" One of the other attendees who had been paying special attention cried. It was a girl with an image of the ring on her shirt. She wore pointy ears, like she was an elf herself. "The book clearly says it is written by an oracle. The oracle devoted twelve pages to warn us in our own language which is exceptional and rare for the other four hundred of pages we cannot even read. Language changes because it lives. The oracle knew we would find the book and knew we had to be able to read it. Twelve pages were devoted to warn us. Twelve pages which said that had the line of Durin persisted we would all be saved."

"Yes, but it did not." One of the men in the room replied irritably. "We all thought Tolkien's words were nothing but a nice little story." Many of the people in the room grumbled and seemed to disagree. "Well, didn't we? We had no proof." The man continued. "And now that we know this what can we do? If this all happens in future times what can we do? The Durin's line ended. It must have been years in the past. We cannot change what has happened then, can we? Did you just invention time-travelling or what?" He rolled his eyes and all became silent.

"Listen, the organization has a plan. All we ask of you is not to worry and let us do our thing." The professor said, gesturing at the attendees.

"And now we shall continue our discussion in room two zero one." A chubby man who stood at the head of the room said. He was apparently part of the organization and came to the professor's rescue. The professor thanked him with a small smile and the chubby man gave a nod. "Now come along, all of you."

The chubby man guided the crowd out of the room whilst the professor got off his desk and packed his suitcase. Behind him a long and slender woman stood and eyed a man who was about as tall as she was.

"Gerard, stay." She ordered the tall man. "You can go and follow them, Professor Meinhart." The professor with the glasses quickly nodded and dashed to join the queue of people leaving the room. The tall man named Gerard stayed behind and wandered up to the desk. He leant over it and eyed the tall woman.

"Sophie," he said, voice husky, "Which one?"

Sophie's eyes travelled past the retreating figures of their attendees. Most had made it for the door and were now leaving the room. Only a few were found scattered behind the desks, packing their notebooks and what not. One of these was a girl who caught Sophie's attention.

"Her." She said, pointing at the girl. Gerard's eyes followed her movement. "She looks like she's right to fit the job. We'll have her."

Gerard immediately approached the girl who was about to fling her bag over her shoulder and exit the room. "I'm sorry, could you stay?" he said, eyeing her up and down but finding no sign with her name on it. "Sorry, what's your name?"

The girl smiled at him. "I'm Aileen."

"Well, Aileen," Gerard said, shaking her hand and gesturing for her to walk down the tiers to the front of the room where Sophie was waiting for her with a smile on her face.

"Hello dear, I'm Sophie," The woman said while shaking her hand. By now most of the people had left the room and only some of the professors remained. One was standing by the door, closing and locking it before guarding it. Another came to stand in the corner of the room. "This here is Professor Eikengaard," she gestured at Gerard by her side,

The girl smiled. "Eikengaard, that does sound kind of foreign."

Sophie continued, "Well, he is. And this is Doctor Richards" she pointed at the man in the corner, "and Professor Walker." Her final gesture was to the man by the door.

The girl turned to follow Sophie's gestures and frowned at the sight of the empty college room and the closed door. "I've heard of some of you." She said when she turned to face Sophie. "I've read Professor Walker's work. His articles on Middle-Earth were quite fascinating."

"A learned one." Sophie said in delight as she clapped her hands. "Excellent. Now, Aileen, the reason why we asked you to come down here is because we have appointed a task to you. You recall how we mentioned earlier on that the line of Durin should be sustained? Well, as you know Thorin and his nephews die during the battle of the five Armies. We figured we do not need to stop this from happening. Not if someone already carries a child of one of them. Preferably Thorin's child for he was a strong dwarf for his kind." Sophie seemed to be taken by her own words and a dreamy look appeared on her face. The girl in front of her merely frowned.

"All right," She said, hesitating, "and you want me to..?"

Sophie was shaken out of her reverie and forced a smile on her face. "Did you know that Professor Eikengaard is a descendant of one of the ancient wizards?"

The girl blinked.

"He stands watch over Earth like his forefathers stood watch over Middle-Earth. How else did you think we could get our hands on the book so easily?" Sophie's wicked smile grew.

"I'm not quite sure how to respond to this." The girl whispered, eyeing her surroundings as if she expected cameras to be hidden around the room.

Sophie waltzed over the girl's words, paying no heed to them. "He is a descendant of wizardry blood, just like me. Together we can send one person back in time. Now, let me look at you girl. You aren't very tall. I'd say… You're about 5 foot."

Gerard Eikengaard took over from Sophie and leant against the desk while he spoke. His eyes lingering on the girl in front of them. "You've got hair like the hobbits have. And you're quite beautiful. That in all makes you the perfect candidate. You will not be too big and it will be hard for them to resist you, being the healthy dwarves they are."

It started to dawn what they were onto and the girl suddenly felt the courage to protest. "Wait? What?

"The plan is simple," Sophie said, placing a foot on the desk and tilting her head slightly. "We will send you back in time. If Doctor Richard's calculations are correct you should be send there before the start of the journey. This will give you enough time to acquaint yourself with the hobbit and the dwarves. It's up to you whether they take you on their journey or not, but remember that their journey is not without danger. So the sooner you get pregnant with Thorin's child the better. We will pick you up at the end of the cycle."

Now the girl literally panicked. "You want me to get pregnant of a dwarf?"

"Ah, poor child," Sophie tusked her at seeing how panic-stricken the girl looked. She didn't want her to go into a state of shock. "There's nothing wrong with it. You'll be doing all of us a favour."

"I'm sorry," the girl said, gesturing with her arm "I need to go."

"Stop." The girl stopped at Sophie's command and turned to look at her. "We haven't been telling you our secrets for you to just walk away. You can't do that. You already know too much. Now listen. The spell Professor Eikengaard and I will use is divided into cycles. The moment we send you back in time we'll get a countdown system floating in our hands. It shows us five cycles. At the end of each cycle we can pick you up and bring you back to our time which is the wisest thing to do because well, to be quite frank, our hospital facilities are much better than they were in the old days. You and the heir will have a much bigger chance to survive."

"And what if I don't want this?" The girl managed to choke.

"You already know too much to back out." Sophie looked at her phone to read the time. "Think of it this way: You'll get to save the world in future times. Now as I said, we will send you back to some time before Thorin's company starts their journey. But we will not let you go empty-handed. Professor Eikengaard here has a spell he wants to give to you which will ensure fertility."

The girl did her best to stay calm but her emotions were audible in her voice as she spoke. "Listen, I will not do this. I mean, I've been a virgin for the past 24 years of my life and I will not change this. And I will especially not sleep with a rusty chunk of a dwarf."

As she turned to demonstratively march away Doctor Richards and Professor Walker grabbed her by the arms and rendered her immobile.

"Now, where were we?" Gerard said with a finger against his lips. "There's not much you need to know about the spell. Except that it is a very interesting piece of magic. And because I'm a wizard I can cast it, which is why we're in luck."

The girl cringed. "Did you make it yourself? The spell?"

Gerard shook his head. "No, I found it in the new Doomsday book. It's on page thirteen. A secret page we deliberately neglected to mention. It cites a spell to gain fertility."

"Have you even tested it?" The girl liked to know, feeling a chance to get out of this. After all, she thought that using the spell without having it tested would be unethical. Besides, sending her there without knowing if it'll work could be disastrous for the whole outcome of the project. No Durins would be assured.

"I have before, on my girlfriend." Gerard replied with a glint of mischief in his eyes. "Don't worry, it can't do much harm."

He stepped closer to the girl and nodded at Sophie who handed him a glass of water. The girl didn't stop protesting though.

"You can't do this. I need to go home. I mean, I'm here for my holidays. I'm not even from England."

Gerard splashed the water over his hands. "Neither are we. Take a look at Doctor Richards here. He's from Scotland."

"That's not what I meant." The girl growled while she eyed Doctor Richards at her side. She was still being held by the two men when Professor Eikengaard placed his hands against her tummy and started to murmur a low and nonsensical lyric. Behind him Sophie appeared, spurring him on by clapping her hands and nodding eagerly. A bright green glow appeared, the light surrounded the girl's waist and caused her to slightly panic. Finally Gerard's recital stopped and he got up from his knees to grin down at the girl.

"Is this green light supposed to happen?" She asked, glancing up at him.

"It is. But it'll fade away. Now don't worry about any side effects. There are none as far as I'm concerned." Gerard cleared his throat and glanced nervously at Sophie who shrugged. The girl noticed the motion and wondered what the two could be hiding from her. The doctor and professor let go of her and she instantly stepped away from them and hurried towards the doors.

"Don't go," Sophie called after her. "You can't go now. You know our real identities and our plans. And more importantly the spell has already been placed on you. The fertility spell was given to you."

The girl rattled the door and groaned in agony because it was locked. The professors watched her as she tried the handle again, then banged her hand against it before turning to face her captors with a sigh. She relentlessly stalked back to the front of the room and came to a halt in front of Sophie. The girl did not say a word and the woman smiled.

"Good, now let us remind you once more what is expected of you. You will go there and you will find the hobbit and the dwarves. You will make sure Thorin receives an heir and then you will return here with a child of the Durin bloodline. Things couldn't be simpler. Now we all wish you good luck on your mission. This magic costs us a lot of energy so should you fail it will take another generation before we can try again. You'd better use all your charms, girl." Sophie pinched the girl's cheek and watched her turn her face away. "Good luck."

A bag was pressed into the girl's arms and she looked up at Professor Walker.

"Seriously? You already packed me a medieval bag? Where I'm going is ages before the medieval period took place."

"It's good to know you have some sense of history." The man said.

"I studied English Language and Culture. I have read the Old English tales."

"Good, then you should have no problem reading the runes when you get there." The man grinned at her.

"Runes?" The girl yelped.

But Sophie and Gerard had come to stand around her. Both were humming a spell, chanting louder and louder as waves of blue and green started swimming around the girl. She felt faint, and her eyes were closing. She groaned and knew there was no way out of this now. The chanting grew loud, hurting her head, and her vision turned black. The last she saw was the empty desks and the grinning forms of Professor Walker and Doctor Richards as they watched her fade away.

"No," she murmured, reluctant to be torn from the world she knew.

The last thing on her mind before losing consciousness was a thought that scared her, and a whisper escaped her, reaching the professors' ears. They misunderstood her and in their ignorance beamed, thinking they send the right person for this task.

"I will find a way."


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Tolkien's work and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Au**: All chapter will be from the OC's point of view for reasons. _And I think we can all see where this is going trololol_

* * *

_Best Laid Plans_

**:Chapter 1:**

The first thing to hit my eyes was the light. Until then I had thought for my eyes to have been closed but apparently I had gone in with eyes open. The darkness had consumed me, body and soul, and spit me out into the light and onto a field with eyes wide. It was unexpected and caused for a tremendous headache to taunt my head. I reached up a hand, felt at my temples, massaged my scalp as slowly the scene in front of me was given shape. Green meadows surrounded me, a large rocky hill was to my right and flowers to my left. It was the scenery you'd expect in a movie or in a good book but never in real.

I clutched the bag close to my chest and waited for my vision to stabilize and the throb inside my head to grow dull before I swung the bag onto my back and stretched. Slowly and carefully I started walking. With no sense of direction to lead me and no GPS to tell me where exactly I was I decided to bluntly walk straight ahead until my feet would lead me somewhere I could get references. A winding river swooped along the grass to my left and I decided to follow it's shimmering trail.

The air above me was blue and the fresh scent carried by the wind made me think this must all be a dream. It was too good to be true; too much of a fantasy to be real. As I calmed down and started to submit to the fact that perhaps the wizard's spell had worked and perhaps I had been propelled into a world I only knew by books and movies (and granted: also by the fandom), my mind went back to how I came here.

The events of not long ago played in front of my eyes as I continued aimlessly through the fields and followed the rippling river, each wave adorned by the scintillating lights the sun cast on the water. I buried my hands in my hair and let out a deep sigh as I played over the events in my mind.

Sophie waltzed over to me. Her eyes weren't cold but determined and had I truly have had guts I would have told her to stay away from me. But she came closer and spoke with a voice that allowed no arguing. "He is a descendant of wizardry blood, just like me." She had said, referring to Gerard Eikengaard. "Together we can send one person back in time. Now, let me look at you girl. You aren't very tall. I'd say… You're about 5 foot."

I was insulted because she was right. Where I came from I was considered small and I had not thought that someone would make it an issue while attending a conference abroad. "I'm 5'1, thank you." I should have said it, why didn't I?

"You've got hair like the hobbits do."

"Yes, but I am not a hobbit." Why hadn't I snapped such a witty reply? Where had my brains gone to? Where had my tongue been hiding? Why had my shyness captured me at such a crucial moment? Perhaps if I had voiced my mind and my discontentment, perhaps if I had shown to be not timid but verbally abusive they would have changed their minds and I would have found myself at safe at home and behind my computer. There would have been no adventure for me.

As I walked, caught up in my thoughts, I didn't notice my surroundings had changed and that the green patches to my left had made place for more rocks and stones. The river disappeared under some of these rocks and coming to the end, or the start, of the stream meant I was once more without directions and without a guide. It shook me out of my thoughts and I wondered why I had followed the river this way, against the water's motion, instead of following it downwards. Perhaps I had expected for a settlement to be at the source of the water and perhaps I had hoped to find people here to help me to Hobbiton. But there were none.

A little lost, I glanced around and put my hands on my hips. "Great thinking," I cursed myself and eyed ahead. "Returning seems to be no option. I will have to continue this route."

I did as I said. I can't help it, but I just happen to talk to myself whenever no one is around. It's one of this little habits of me that I can't seem to get rid of. The sun lowered in the sky and was painfully reminding me that it must have been almost half a day I've been in this world without company of any sort and without getting any closer to the goal that was given me. How on earth was I to find the Hobbit or any of the dwarves (probably scattered across Middle-Earth) like this? I groaned, going up a hill consisting of loose smaller rocks on top of larger and more solid ones. It was quite the trick to climb wearing the shoes I was. I hadn't been prepared for any such a journey when I set out to the conference.

In a way it made me smile. The situation felt ironic though I could not name where this feeling had come from. My stomach clenched and kept my interest for food and drink far away from me. So focused I was on these feelings and conflicting emotions and ideas that I did not notice I had come to a large boulder until my feet touched the rock and I saw I could not continue in a straight line any longer but had to go around it. When I raised my head, however, I found a sight which was unexpected but heart-flipping. For my eyes met the grey ones of a wizard I had expected to be the last person for me to come across at the start of my journey.

"G-Gandalf?" I must have sound like an idiot.

"That is me. Are you lost little one?" I could see the wizard look down at my feet and his lips twitched into an apologizing smile. "Not a hobbit then, I see."

What the hell was he on about? I suddenly felt the anger for Sophie return at the words of the Wizard. Did he too honestly think I was a hobbit? I looked nothing like one! The anger I felt did not display itself on my face, which was perhaps a good thing in this case. But I couldn't speak because of it, which was a bad thing. Once again I could hit myself for not giving a smart-ass retort like so many others probably would have.

"And not dressed in the ways of mankind either." Gandalf leant backwards, his arms folded into his own sleeves as he pensively studied me. "You have the features of an elf. A fair beauty. But the size of a small human. No pointy ears. I'd call you a mixture of any of these races if I would know for such a creature to exist."

I found my tongue again. "I am a human."

"Well, that doesn't surprise me. Under any other circumstances I would have called you one. But you have something over you, a certain glow, that made me consider the other possibilities as well. What is it, girl? What is different about you? And what is your name?"

I gave him my name and knew there was no way round it. I needed someone wise to support me in this, or even better, to get me out of this mess. The idea of producing an heir for any of the Durins was, no matter how charming, frightening me. The moment I locked eyes with Gandalf I knew that he would be the one to help me avoid my assigned fate.

"I am sent here from the future, the 21st century, hundreds of years from now. Descendants of the watchers of Middle-Earth chose me, quite unthinkingly, to ensure the line of the Durins will continue." I hesitated, not knowing how much I could give away. I had watched a fair amount of Doctor Who and wondered if spoilers would ruin any chance of survival the human race still had.

Gandalf came from his boulder and clapped a hand on my shoulder. "And that is why you're wearing unconventional clothes. Still, it doesn't quite explain the waves I get from you. There must be something more. How have they anticipated for you to achieve this? And why is it even necessary?"

I noticed the wizard's kind smile and was sad to see it diminish as I answered him in all honesty. "Even further into the future the human race will be extinguished. We got a warning, a note, that said that had the royal bloodline of the dwarves, the Durins, survived humankind would have been saved. The watchers over earth held a power to send someone back. That someone was me. I carry the mission to make sure the Durins reproduce."

"Which," Gandalf said, cocking his head and carrying a solemn expression, "otherwise would not have happened?"

"I'm not sure if I can tell you, Gandalf."

"I think now that you're here it hardly matters. What has changed has changed."

I glanced at him shyly. "We don't know if my presence truly will change anything at all."

The man in front of me let out a laugh and shook his head gently. "Oh, but it has. It already has. I can feel it. A change in the atmosphere. Actually, I already felt the change this morning."

He must have seen my eyes widen for his laugh faded and he bent in closer again.

"That's when I arrived." I gasped.

Gandalf nodded and took a few steps away from me. "So I suspected." He confirmed, and I turned away from him slightly.

"In that case…. I see no harm in confiding in you. But promise me you'll help me and that you won't tell the others. I don't want to risk the future. Me being here is already dangerous."

"I promise."

I noticed Gandalf was having difficulty standing and I motioned to the boulder. When he didn't move I climbed on top of it and sat down. The wizard followed me and sat next to me, cane crossed over his legs and arms resting on his knees as he watched me.

"No." I said, having him raise a browse in confusion so I quickly clarified what I meant. "No, the Durins are intended to die during a mission that lies ahead of them. To prevent this the watchers over Earth have sent me back here, somewhere before their final journey will commence, with the mission to find those involved and make sure …" My voice trailed off and I glanced at Gandalf who was now staring thoughtfully in front of him. I licked my lips.

"Anyway, they found a spell. It was in the Doomsday book from the future, the book that warned us about the extinction of mankind and the importance of the Durin dwarves. The spell…well… ensured fertility."

Next to me Gandalf stirred and his eyes lit up. I kept on rambling. "They put the spell on me and without another word or warning they sent me here. It was a combined effort." I looked at Gandalf who still hadn't interrupted me. "Gandalf?"

"So that's it." The wizard finally said. His lips moved to and fro without a single sound escaping them. This continued for several seconds before he directed his gaze at me and smiled knowingly.

"So that's how you knew my name. You were sent from the future with a quest."

I returned the smile. "Yes."

"And you carry the spell of fertility with you." He continued.

"It was placed on me, yes."

"Well," Gandalf's expression confused me and it must have been visible for he grinned and pointed a finger at me. "That spell isn't a futuristic one, my dear. It's actually one of the most ancient spells of all time. I have never cast it myself but now I know why the waves of magic felt so familiar. You see, the ancient spell allows itself to be cast on a human who then functions as the carrier of it. It's not an enchantment that only affects you. You have become the carrier of it."

I shook my head and brushed a strand of hair out of my face. "What does that mean, Gandalf? I carry it? What does it do?"

"For a starters," The wizard said with a grin on his face, curling his lips and moving his beard, "it means that if you copulate with any male of any gender you will carry a child afterwards. There is not a chance you won't be impregnated. But that's the part you already suspected, isn't it? Because you are the carrier it means the spell will affect those who come near you, and those who are around you."

My eyes widened and lips parted in disbelief. "That must be one powerful spell. Are you saying that everyone around me will get pregnant after sex?"

The wizard flinched at the indecent word but his smile never faded. He stroked his beard and sniffed. "Not exactly. From what I recall it's an ancient spell found near the edges of the Undying Lands of Aman. It was intended for wizards. Then the spell was adapted to be used on humans. It worked very well and the elves showed interest so it was altered to befit elves too."

"So you're saying only elves and humans will suffer its consequences?"

Gandalf glared at me. "Suffer? It was seen as a great gift to those who could not bear children but the spell was made specifically to befit one person. For money reasons, you see. It was a fair business for the wizard who invented the spell, adapted it and sold it. But they did not know back then of the side-effects."

He was silent for a moment and stared at me. I stared back at him and waited for him to continue which, luckily, he did albeit being it with a deep sigh.

"Several of the races it was not intended for got affected. The spell they put on you will NOT affect humans in your nearness neither will it affect elves. It will not affect me either. But It will, I am sorry to say, affect Dwarves." My eyes lit up.

Already an evil plan formed in my mind. The dwarves would all be fertile with me around. Oh happy day. If I just could find them a bunch of tavern girls to sleep with I could return home unscathed. Bless my virginity. I would have made the perfect nun.

"And Hobbits."

My head snapped up at him. "Why would you say hobbits?" Suddenly I felt very suspicious for Gandalf was giving me one of his 'I-know-it-all' looks.

"Because the journey you mentioned to be their last has already started."

The world almost became black again as all air was sucked from my chest. I had arrived too late. "It has?" I stammered. "How far in are you? Where are we?"

Gandalf laughed. "Don't be alarmed, youngling. We've just visited the shire and got ourselves a hobbit burglar. This is our second night out in the open since we left Hobbiton. You are lucky to have stumbled upon me for I could not stand the foolishness of those dwarves any longer. Thorin might be a wise man but he is as stubborn and unyielding as the oak he was named after." Gandalf's frustration sounded through the words he snarled. "Their mission is still fresh and their journey has just begun."

I looked up at Gandalf, thanking him silently for his reassurance. "You wouldn't mind it if I tagged along until at least one of the Durin's got an heir and is safe, would you?"

The wizard reached out a hand and wrapped an arm around my shoulder in a friendly gesture. "No, Not at all. It is perhaps highly unusual for a girl to join men on a tedious journey but I think it cannot be avoided in this case. After all, the fate of men depends on it. Come, let me get you some different clothes and then I'll introduce you to the company." He stood up and I followed, but distanced myself from him so he had to turn round and raise a brow at me.

"You can't return now." I said, voice hoarse. "You're not supposed to return till the sun rises again in the morning."

Gandalf's lips twitched into a suppressed smile. "Well, then, I'll just leave after I delivered you to the group and return when I think it to be necessary."

I could live with that.


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Tolkien's work and no copyright infringement is intended.

**Au**: Here's another reminder that this story will be full of Male pregnancies. I'm working my way up to it, sorry it's been taking so long.

And...Just to let you know the story will follow Jackson's version somewhere till they're in Rivendell, that's when things are really going to go out of hand.

* * *

_Best Laid Plans_

**:Chapter 2:**

All the way to the camp I could feel the blood running through me and my heartbeat increase. I was anxious, nervous, not ready for the unknown which wasn't so unknown to me after all. Gandalf looked just like I had imagined him. Probably like all fans had imagined him. It made me wonder if the others looked like their descriptions at all and how they would react to the presence of a human not to mention a female.

Up and way up over the slippery rocks we went as Gandalf walked graciously as if he treaded on air. The way he would lift his robes, just not quite above the ankle, made him look somewhat like a princess raising her skirts to descend the stairs at a ball. I had to do my best not to laugh openly at the images his movements provoked in my mind.

The journey took far too long for my likening but when we arrived it was exactly like I thought it to be. The campfire sizzled, Bombur was cooking food, Ori was knitting and all in all not much differed from the expected. They looked up quizzically as Gandalf stepped into the camp and some drew back with a sigh upon seeing me following their companion. They were clearly shocked and unable to cope with the situation. At the very least Ori and Bifur were.

I tried not to give them too much attention and just flashed the casual smile as we made our way to their leader: Thorin Oakenshield. The man was standing in the ruins of an old home and had unfolded a map. A thick and strong finger was tracing a line from one point to another, setting their route in silence as we approached.

Once more I looked about to meet the curious eyes of a hobbit - and I mentally noted at this point that I'd rather been back in my own time drinking tea with this hobbit's actor. Like I had suspected the two Durin brothers were no were in sight. They had already been sent to watch the ponies and I briefly wondered if they were going to either almost drown, like they did in the book, or if they wouldn't. If not, what on earth could they be doing to lose sight of those ponies.

We had come to a halt and I looked up at Gandalf. The old wizard boomed, his voice low and allowing no argument. "Thorin Oakenshield, I have returned but not quite."

The dwarf huffed and answered without glancing up from his map. "You could have fooled me." The sarcasm was dripping from each syllable.

"This is hardly the time for making fun of my words. All I mean to say is that I will be on my way again soon. I still need more time to think." The wizard closed his eyes and gripped his staff, willing himself to calm down and relax before he would lose control in front of this stubborn creature.

Still the dwarf did not look. "Go on then. Don't waste my time if all you've come to do is say you won't be back yet."

At this point Gandalf looked like he wanted to smack either himself or the dwarf in front of him, and he took a visible deep breath before he spoke. "I have come across a new member of your company. She will travel with us from hereon. "

The dwarf looked up now, blue eyes sizzling with fire and spunk. "She?" He hissed. "Gandalf, what do you mean by 'she'?" Then his eyes came to rest on me and I could see the emotions whirl in them. The anger, the confusion and the disbelief that Gandalf would suggest for a woman to travel in their company.

"What foul creature have you brought to me?" The not yet King Under the Mountain snarled. I didn't flinch, though the insult stung nonetheless.

"You will not ask questions. Just do as you're said. This girl will accompany us for the benefit of us all." Gandalf's reasoning was sound. He gave little information but made it quite clear he would have no retort of the dwarf in an attempt to change his mind for it was already made up.

"But Gandalf," The dwarf now whined, resolution on his face as he clearly wanted to get rid of me.

"I said no questions and no buts, Master Oakenshield. The girl will come along with us. It is written in the stars."

Somehow Gandalf's final argument was definite and good enough to silence the dwarf's protests. I had no idea why the words of the stars would count so much in this matter, but even if it was an obvious lie of the wizard it was the final push needed to convince Thorin of his silence and his help. He gestured and turned to whistle for Balin. Then he shouted the other dwarf's name who hurried over.

"Do you have another contract?" he asked, impatiently as the old dwarf started to unroll a scroll.

I looked up at Gandalf who winked at me and I nervously flashed him a smile. The sun was setting behind the hill top and the lazy beams that reached my eyes made me turn away to face Thorin and Balin instead.

"You're quite small for a human." The king finally said, and eyed me in a way that sent shivers down my spine. I wasn't some kind of animal on the marketplace, ready to be sold. Why was his gaze so intense, as if he would force my mouth open at any time to check my teeth for quality. So lost was I in my thoughts that I did not find the breath to reply and instead heard Balin's rustle of vellum and Thorin's harsh voice bellowing.

"All right. Have her sign a contract."

The other dwarves gathered around us in a circle and I could hear the buzzing of their voices. Gandalf who had looked amused before now stepped by my side and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Thorin, you don't think it necessary, do you?" He said. But the king looked aside and huffed.

"I do, Gandalf. If she wants to travel with us and be part of our company she will sign a contract like all others did." His argument was valid, but Gandalf had a slightly worried streak on his face.

"Not me, Master dwarf." He reminded Thorin. It was true. The entire group had signed contracts, carefully held by Balin and hidden underneath his robes as proof. All had signed but the grey wizard.

"You're not like them, Gandalf." Thorin remarked brashly while he shoved the scroll in front of me to sign. "Now write down your name, lass."

I did what he asked of me, but only after silent reassurance from Gandalf who gave me a sympathetic nod. It seemed to be the only way to guarantee my part in this journey and I had to go along with it. I had no other choice.

Well, I could sit back and wait, let them all go about on their own but where would that get me? I wasn't even sure if the modern watchers of Earth could get me back to the twenty-first century.

As I scrunched my eyes and tried to read the paperwork in front of me, for signing without reading is the most horrible thing one can do, I recognized the letters to be so many that there'd be no time to read all. As much as I hated to be in for a surprise I had to acknowledge that I would not make it through all the rules and disclaimers on the scroll and shook my head.

"Sign." The dwarf commanded harshly. "Or be gone with it." Gandalf gave him a warning glare to which he retorted with flaring nostrils. "You know how I feel about taking women with me to the battlefield."

"You're a good man. You wish not to see them harmed." The wizard knew how to touch Thorin's gentler side and the dwarf started to glow with pride. He'd been flattered. Score for the wizard.

"Aye, and don't you forget it. This journey has no place for a lass." Thorin eyed me. "She is quite beautiful though."

"That she is." Gandalf said with a nod.

At this point I had completely tried to ignore their conversation and tried to focus on the many clauses ahead, when suddenly I could not help but screech out in surprise as I read the area that had the details about my position within the group listed.

"Cook? Profession : Cook? But that's ridiculous! Hobbits can cook good food and so can dwarves but not me. Na-ah. I'm not familiar with cooking wild things and roasting them over a fire." I looked at the frantically. It was a bit of a lie, of course I could cook. But it had always been on modern stoves, in modern kitchen's and not more than often with the use of a microwave. Compare such skills to wildlife outside camping. It was a big no-no.

"But you are a woman." One of the dwarves cried, not understanding what the fuss was about.

"A girl." I huffed. "And not one from this time."

Thorin gave me a quizzical look. "You might not be." He whispered as he walked past me.

One could only imagine what must be going in his mind now and I half expected him to pass a knowing glance at Gandalf. It was obvious now that I revealed something as secret as this to him that the wizard had ulterior motives for helping me into their group. Hopefully the importance of me joining their party was stressed now for them to accept.

But Thorin did not glance at the wizard and instead kept circling around me as his eyes looked me up and down. "Spoiled." Then turned to face me. "All right, child of time, we'll make you our 'female companion'. How does that sound for an occupation?"

I wrinkled my nose as I thought 'weird' but accepted the contract anyway. If my role was to be the female of the group I would not complain. I signed and watched Thorin roll the scroll and tuck it away inside his coat.

"Now, we're set to go." He said.

"I must ask your leave." Gandalf's voice sounded from behind my back. "I have not yet done repenting being part of this bunch of stubborn dwarves." The wizard tapped his own hat with his cane and cast me a last glance as if to say 'will you be all right?' I nodded in silence and watched him walk away. Something about his demeanor told me he didn't want to leave the group now that he had returned, but my earlier words pressed him forth. It was his task, nay, his destiny, to return at sunrise and save the bundle of dwarves ready to be fried by the hands of trolls. That time was not here yet so he had to part from them.

A low voice sounded from beside me and I knew it was Thorin who spoke, as all other dwarves returned to their previous spots next to the fire.

"If ever we enter a battle I want you out of harm's way, got it?" I nodded. "Good."

The king brushed past me and halted at the edge of the ruin. His hand brushed the stones that still formed a dilapidated wall. "Now I wish for you to leave."

I looked up at him, puzzled, and could tell he could see my confusion for he hastily clarified. "Go to the others by the fire but try not to distract them too much."

Now that I understood what he had meant to say I left for the campfire to join the others scattered around it. The company counted less than five so I figured some must be out collecting branches for the fire.

Behind me I could hear Balin whisper as he and the king remained behind in the ruin and silently conferred. They were already out of reach and I sat down on a rock near the fire and placed the backpack next to me on the stones. The casual glance was stolen until eventually I could bear the silence no longer and decided to remark about the weather. My comment was swallowed by the thickness of the evening air and when eventually I turned my eyes to the ground, for by now I expected no reply, one of the dwarves spoke up. It was Bifur whose low voice vibrated through the air.

"It's a nasty trick of the wizard to saddle us all up with a lass like yerself. Women are no good on quests such as these."

"Oh, How so?" I don't know how I found my voice or the confidence to speak, but I did. And my eyes rested upon the rugged dwarf who had spoken. "Because they are weak?"

"Yeah. They're weak-hearted creatures. They're unfit to fight with their swinging emotions and vile bloodshed creating a mess each month of the year." He seemed to think before he added "and stuff."

"They only cause trouble." Oin agreed. "They need to be looked after at all times. Hence why bringing one along our journey will only mean a setback for us all. You will slow us down."

I huffed. Now really? My eyes slid past the company gathered round the fire. Oin, who was seated next to Gloin, Dwalin, who stood near a tree and was doing something I couldn't quite see but suspected to be the sharpening of a knife or a twig, Bifur who sat almost straight opposite of me and Ori who was knitting in his own private spot. Then there was also the hobbit who sat with his soles pressed to each other, next to the knitting dwarf, and looked up at him pensively. It felt as if he knew not how to express himself and instead chose to look away. To me it felt like I was rather alone in all of this.

"It is true, we do have emotions and bleed but that's because we are sophisticated."

"Don't you rather mean complicated." Bifur retorted with a snarl. "Tell me something a woman can do we can't. They're all trouble, them women. Can't do no good stuff but die."

I protested, feeling a very feministic side of me surface. "Oh, so you think that's all we are? Weak and fifthly?" The dwarf muttered in agreement which made my voice rise. "We can carry children." There, I had named the one thing women could and men couldn't.

"And that's the only thing they're good for." Dwalin, to my surprise, surmised.

"That's not true." I said before I realized I had spoken. My jaw felt slack. "There are enough countries on earth in which women are doing all the hard work. If that isn't proof," I hesitated and came to a stop. I could not possibly tell them about all that history had taught me for it wasn't part of the history of this world yet. They were future events that would make me sound silly if I were to retell them here. I'd almost spilled tales about the first and second world war, about women going into battle, about women making machines or being doctors, about the African countries which always showed the men battling in armies and the women doing all the hard labour to make their countries grow, about the lands in which women had not only to keep the house but earn the money as well as raise the kids while their husbands sat back and let their lazy bellies grow. I could not recount these tales to them and felt my feministic side die almost as quick as it had come.

"Earth," One of the dwarves said as he pinched his own nose. "You call it Earth now. What a weird habit to have when we all know it's Middle-Earth. But you're a weird little lass."

I turned my head down in, was it shame?

The air grew thick around me as everyone remained silent for a while, then Gloin clicked with his tongue and stirred on the rock on which he was seated. "I don't think it's all they're good for." He said, remembering the women he had at home and their young child. It wasn't hard to tell his thoughts were with them for his eyes shone with a fatherly pride. "I have my woman back at home and yes, she bore me a son. But right now I have left her for this quest which must have been of such importance to us all that she understood and let me go. Yet, I can't say it doesn't hurt me to know she's back there, on her own, taking care of little Gimli while I am away. She's also working to earn us money. Oin, Dwalin, she's doing it all and she's doing a good job of it. I bet if she were to fight she'd be a wonderful skilled warrior too. I don't believe women are only obstacles in our fortune. Mine's equal to a man in her talents, if not more."

The group watched in silence as the words of the dwarf settled in our minds, then started to chat about other topics and I was relieved to see the tension had been broken. I wanted to thank Gloin for his input but he wouldn't look my way and I was too shy to get up and get over to him. It figured I didn't have to.

Before long some of the others returned from their hunt for food and wood for the fire. Bilbo, to my surprise, stood up from his spot next to Ori and walked over to me. Without looking at me he sat down by my side, on the same rock I was on, and pensively started to tap his fingertips together.

"Back in the shire men and women work together. I actually do like that a lot." Bilbo said, having come to sit next to me. I couldn't help but smile at him for his precious and carefully chosen words had melted my heart.

"That is a lovely thought." I said.

"I do mean it though." He said, eyes earnest as he looked straight into mine.

"And I do believe you." I knew what he was trying to say was not to take the dwarf's words too heart too much. Their grumpy behaviour would improve, and if not I had Bilbo here to comfort me.

"We weed together, we plant together, we work together in the fields and by night we dance together to celebrate all our hard work. It's labour done quite well and quite equally shared."

In front of us tasks were divided and one of the dwarves got the mind to shout at me. "Won't you come and cook?"

I nearly rolled my eyes. "I thought it was settled. I am to be your 'female' companion. Cook was off the list."

"It was worth a try." Nori said, mumbling as he gave Bombur the required ingredients for tonight's meal.

"Have you read your contract properly?" I looked up to see Dwalin grinning at me. Was this some kind of plot to make me their household slave? I had said no to the cooking and it was going to stay at that.

"No, have you?"

Silence.

Good, that meant he hadn't read it that well either. I smirked smugly as the other dwarves set to cooking and turned to the hobbit by my side. He talked beautifully about his years spent in the shire. About the flowery fields, the strong scent of dandelions carried by the wind, the grovel they used for paths leading from one hobbit hole to another and the many vegetables they would grow in their fields. He told me about his cousins and the mischief they made when younger, and he lit up his pipe and started to smoke to show me the shapes he could make that would dance in the air.

Soon dinner was served, the first portions, and Bilbo set aside his pipe in order to eat. We were both enjoying the meal in silence, listening to the gossip of the other dwarves and enjoying the imagery their words created in our minds. I felt at ease next to this young lad, and glanced at him with a smile.

In between spoons of food, we managed to chat.

"And you never wanted a pet afterwards?' I asked, linking back to one of the tales of mischief he had told me earlier on. Bilbo laughed and shyly shook his head. "Good lord, no. One was enough."

It was adorable to see him flush with every bit of attention he received. My eyes slid down to his feet and he noticed.

"You humans seem to wear things around your feet at all times. Isn't it suffocating?"

"Our feet are sensitive." I mused. "I could not walk around on bare feet without injuring myself and risking a cut and infection."

He gave a slight 'oh' before popping another spoon between his lips. "Your feet are very small."

"And not as hairy as yours." I laughed and was glad he didn't feel embarrassed by his feet and our talk about them at all. He was proud of them ,in fact, and started a tale about a family of pride feet hobbits in his shire. The story ended with us both smiling and finishing our bowls.

Then he inclined his head. "Gandalf's been an awfully long time." I looked up and realized that the sun had set and the sky had turned dark. It was almost time for the adventure the night would have to offer them. An adventure which included three trolls. I suppressed a shiver.

"Do you think he'll be back?"

"I can't possibly say." It was unfair to lie to him but he had to wonder about this on his own. All I could do was encourage him and hope the wizard would return in time at the break of dawn. All I could do was hope my presence hadn't interfered or my words hadn't affected his glorious comeback.

I gestured at the others around the fire. "Perhaps you should voice your worry over there?" It was just a slight push but enough to convince him and with a small smile the hobbit stood up, clapped his things to get rid of any crumbs and with a few words of consent made his way over to the other side of the fire where the last portions were being poured into bowls.

The hobbit hesitated as he stared out into the darkness and sighed. "He's been a long time." I could hear Bilbo say, worriedly.

"Who?" Bofur, who was standing near the stew, asked.

"Gandalf." Bilbo eyed the bowls the dwarf was holding.

At this point I was distracted from the conversation by the rustling of clothes as someone approached me and I looked to my side to see Ori sit down next to me. He smiled his silly smile and I greeted him with a mirror of his own emotion.

"I'm knitting them some gloves." The dwarf to my side began, and plucked at the yarn he was using. "Do you think knitting is really a manly thing to do?" he asked, sounding unsure of himself.

I laughed slightly. "I am sure it is."

Ori beamed at me. "Well, it is! It was invented by the male dwarves of Mahal long ago. It was said to be a real manly profession but little people seem to know it nowadays. Or mind the fact, as it is."

I stretched my arms and placed the bowl beside me. "It is no wonder. If one thing is successful it will be copied by another until people have forgotten it's origin." I thought back of ballet and how that was originally done by, even invented by, men. A men's sport. And somehow when I grew up it was considered for girls. Even so much that many girls didn't want to follow ballet classes just because that would make them 'girlish'. How odd a place the world was.

My eyes slid to the fire but I found Bilbo was gone.

"Exactly," I could hear Ori say next to me. "The world's getting less civilised. I'm glad we have you in our company now. You seem nice."

I turned my head to smile at him. "Why, thank you, Ori. You're very kind too."

I didn't get the chance to see him blush, if he even did so (though I have no doubt). My eyes were back almost instantly on Bofur and I could not help but ask him this.

"Where did Bilbo go?"

Bofur, finally another dwarf who seemed to accept my presence, bestowed me with a bright smile which was faintly lit by the fire, and answered me with a kind voice. "He brought dinner to the lads."

Bombur, next to his side, jumped up. "Right, you haven't met them yet but they're Thorin's nephews. Fíli and Kíli. Fíli being the oldest one. They were sent to mind the ponies."

I might not have met them yet but I definitely did know who they were or where this was going to. "Okay." I said, and lost myself in thought.

"So it's movie-verse." I mused silently to myself. "It seems Peter Jackson was closer to the truth than Tolkien was. I wonder how that can be?"

"Who are they?" Bofur asked, seemingly overhearing.

"What? Oh, just names." I waved it off, smiling inwardly as I thought how awkward both men must have felt if they knew I was calling them 'just names', legends as they were. The dwarves seemed to accept my words and didn't press me for more, and I got into a conversation with Ori again.

"Do you ever want to knit?" he asked me, eager expression on his face. "Come on, do you wish to try?"

With a sigh I had to disappoint him. "I wish I could but I can't. My hands are wet. I often wished I could do things with them, craft, knit and create stuff. But I just can't."

"Oh, that's too bad." He looked down at his handiwork with such sad eyes it made my heart quell. And then I asked him that inevitable question which had been on my mind ever since Bilbo had been sent to the two brothers with their meal.

"Can I ask you something?" Ori looked up at me. "Are you the youngest?"

A stammering reply sounded and I worried I might have offended him. "No, I am not. Why do you ask?"

"It's just, you seem so young."

"Oh, thank you, I guess." He blushed like mad and it was cute to see.

The evening filled with quiet conversation from there on. I was constantly aware of Bofur's kind eyes on me and whenever I turned to look at him I could see them glisten by the fire light. Ori explained to me a thing or two about his skills, then the alarm went off.

Two dwarves came into the camp, shouting and with arms flaying about them. Panic struck every dwarf and one by one they shot up from their seats like mushrooms in a damp forest. I was probably the last to rise as Throin tried to tell the two lads to calm down.

"Now, one at the time." Thorin said, then frowned. "And where's Bilbo?"

"That's what we've been trying to say." The blond one, definitely Fíli, said.

"He's under attack by trolls. They were stealing our ponies and then Bilbo came marching in and he's trying to steal them back now." The other, Kíli, added.

"You fools!" Thorin looked like he was about to smack both boys by their ears but he composed himself. "How did this happen?"

"He was too fast. We couldn't stop him." Fíli was a smooth liar, I noted.

"But he can't do this all by himself. We need to back him up." And Kíli was a great actor to voice such concern when I knew he had been the one to push Bilbo towards the trolls and the ponies.

"Great." The king mumbled under his breath, then turned to his companions and raised his sword. "To Bilbo." The others reached for their weapons while Thorin turned to lean to his nephews. "Let us hope we are still in time."

The brothers nodded, then started to turn to lead the way to the troll camp when their eyes came to rest on me and I merely shrugged at being discovered.

"Uncle…. What the…" Kíli didn't get to the dirty words for Thorin interrupted him. Ori clasped a hand on my shoulder as a silent support.

"Not now." Thorin growled. "The wizard brought her along. It is he you should complain to."

"Talking about the wizard, where is he? Where is Gandalf?" Fíli asked, his blue eyes darting to his uncle. Kíli's cold brown stare was still upon me and I was glad for Ori's presence by my side. I squeezed his hand gently and signalled for him he could let go. He shook his hand and wiped it past his thigh.

"You are right. Wet hands." He murmured near my ear before he made way for his bedroll to collect his weapons. Just a minor drawback, I thought, and tried to ignore Kíli's harsh stare.

"He's still gone. Thinking. He might never be back." Thorin thundered. "Now move. Fíli, show us the way."

The company headed for the deeper part of the forest, and I intended to follow when I was stopped by Oin who blocked my way.

He held a huge axe in his hands, then pushed it in mine and stepped aside with a content smile on his face.

"A woman who can fight. Show yourself useful." With those words he turned round and followed the others.

I could just catch Dwalin's warning gaze not to get in their way, but recognised the challenge in them. Then I dropped the axe and heard it fall onto the soft forest floor before I made my way back to the camp and gathered my things. I flung the backpack over my shoulder, my hair over it, and hurried after the company of loud dwarves who gradually grew more silent as they approached the trolls.

Instead of following them all the way through I halted and caught the sound of the remaining free ponies and decided to head that way instead. I could hear Kíli tusking me as he saw me head for another way and abandon the group. After that I was alone.

The rest of the night was spent in the presence of the ponies who behaved quite well. The soft humming of insects could be heard during one time, then the shouts and crying of the launched attack at the other side of the rocks. I wisely kept away from that area.

The shouts quieted down. The night lingered on as night bugs came about and taunted me but I had never felt more relaxed or happy in my life. I sat, half-asleep, and at times called back one of the ponies. Though I did not know all of their names they did listen to me. The night sped on and before I knew it the sun was rising and shining its first rays of light, stretching to reach the forest and to reach me.

I wondered if Gandalf had returned in time and suddenly the minutes past by with agonizing slowness. Only when one of the ponies came to press its nose against my face did I forget my worries and I started to focus on the creature. I got the pony by the nose, gently stroking him and whispering sweet words when a wizard blocked my sun and I looked up at him.

"You returned." I said, all smile.

"And in time to rescue the dwarves. It seemed you were right. I got to free my mind and free my friends all in less than a day's time. I've got to play the part of the hero too."

He smiled and I hugged his waist.

"Now go. The trolls are surely a sight to behold. Oh, and thank you for watching the ponies. You did a better job than those two." He inclined his head although Fíli and Kíli weren't in sight.

I frowned. "Speaking of which…. Gandalf, what exactly have they been doing to have lost track of the ponies?"

The wise wizard shrugged. "To be honest I wouldn't know. I am a wizard, not a fortune teller. I wasn't present at the time."

I smirked at him and left to see the trolls, to admire Gandalf's handiwork.


End file.
